Otto's Hair

 

Big changes around here.

For nearly all of Otto's life he's had long hair. It's been his identity. To me, to him, and to others.

Ben and I always agreed that when Otto wanted his hair cut, we would cut it.

The moment arrived.


As Ben put Otto to bed one night, he told Ben he wanted hair like him, his Dad. I'm really glad it happened this way. I'm not sure Ben would have believed me had Otto said it to me.

Our biggest concern was that Otto would be upset once his hair was gone and want it long again. Otto's had a lot of hair cuts, he just hasn't had a short hair cut since he was 12 months old.

Ben came home from work one afternoon and took Otto with him to an appointment with Christelle at his salon of choice, Salon de Coiffure Noiré Sandrine.

The other stylists begged Christelle not to cut it (as she was cutting it). Not helpful. Luckily they were speaking French, so they were only torturing Ben.

I had a lot of emotions as I dropped them off. I felt sadness that my long-haired blonde baby wouldn't be the one coming home; I felt worried that Otto wouldn't know how to process the change; I felt happy that combing his hair each morning wouldn't be an issue; I felt excited for him to stop holding his hair out of his face every time he colored, painted, bent over or ran around the playground; and I realized I didn't know how to help my little guy deal with something I was struggling with.

When he walked in the house, I could tell he was uncomfortable and didn't know how to answer the questions we were all asking him. He's only four and he's had short hair for 15 minutes... how was he supposed to feel about having short hair? I realized he didn't have the ability to process, identify and provide answers for many of my own questions for him.

The first few days were rough. He was really mad and would cry a lot.

He knew he had short hair and I knew he had short hair, but he and I both knew that lots of other people didn't know he had short hair... yet.

The next day at school, I watched his face as he locked eyes with his teacher, Joffer Nathalie and slowly removed his hat, waiting for her reaction. She gasped. Other parents gasped. Bless Algison's heart -- he ran right over and rubbed Otto's little head and pulled him into the classroom. Everyone was talking about it -- kids, teachers, and parents.

In some ways, this helped. It helped that people talked to him, hugged him, wanted to look at him and all reacted positively. It helped reinforce that whatever Otto looks like, he will be loved and liked.

I started telling Otto what our friends and family in Utah were saying about his hair. He loved when I read Lilly's texts about how much she loved his hair cut out loud to him. Then I listed all of the things that probably felt good with short hair: combing his hair, putting on his swim cap during swim lessons, putting on his bike helmet, etc., and he perked right up.

I honestly don't know if Otto is glad we cut it. His answer largely depends on his mood and how I phrase the questions. Unfortunately, Otto had his head glued shut a few weeks prior to the haircut and since the wound had healed and hair grown out several centimeters, Christelle tried to remove some of the glue. It was really painful for Otto and he now associates hair cuts with pain. Awesome.

It took me a full four days to recognize and adjust to his bright eyes and rosy cheeks without his blonde locks. His short hair is darker and straighter and he looked like a stranger.

What I do know is that his hair will grow back (if he wants it to) and that it's just hair. It's just hair. It's not who I am or who he is or who Ben is (don't tell Ben).

I kept thinking Aksel would notice and say something to Otto. Nope. Aksel has never said a word about Otto's hair. Not one word. Bless you, Aksel. Bless you for not missing a beat for your best friend, Otto.